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The Transfer Deadline Day - The day that makes you feel that bit more dead inside with each passing year

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  • The Transfer Deadline Day - The day that makes you feel that bit more dead inside with each passing year

    from RN183 last season

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    Albert Camus, himself a decent enough footballer for your Sunday side, remarked he knew about morality through sport (not in today's world Albert, not today) and was once asked: “football or theatre? Football, without hesitation”.


    Good call, but what about footballing theatre? For that is what SKY surely believe they are providing the nation, what with their lofty, rather smug adverts and boasts, as if somehow football owes it all a debt for what it has become. Hating any oldies that point out for all their ‘PL stats’ that football wasn't actually invented when they came along in the 90s to show games, but in 1966 and all that. Well, everyone claims it as theirs at some point.


    What with the fucked about kick-off times, the ridiculous toadying to their demands even though we as fans still fork out more in finances than they do, and now recovered from AndyGrayKeysgate, they've kneejerked into a more defensive, foetal position so that nothing controversial must dare be said or broadcast, for fear of upsetting, anyone. Bar Manchester United fans of course.


    It's almost as if Roy Carroll's ‘goal’ over the line against Spurs - nudge, nudge, Manchester United cheat all the time, they are part of the Magic Circle and all such cliched assertions - is on some constant loop. If there is anything remotely linked - an issue about goaline technology, a cheated incident, out it comes. Sky Sports News keen to replay that one incident because, well, they can. And here it is again.


    Ahh. Sky Sports News. As we have said before, more like what is on Sky Sports will be News as no sporting event not actually on their channels appears ever to be covered, in any great detail, or even at all. Formula 1 rights are bought, as they eat up the sporting calendar as if we're in some surreal 1930s revised map where countries are replaced by events, and suddenly it's ok to mention Lewis Hamilton for the first time ever. Because… guess what… he's coming onto your screens next year! He was already on your screens of course, but that didn’t count. So he now exists. Some bizarre existentialism which Camus would doff his cap to I'm sure - we show it, therefore it is.


    Gary Nev becomes the new face of SKY - dear oh dear, that's some face - but the very off field persona that has made him so loathed amongst ABUs; forthright, controversial, gets dimmed in his suit, those unsaid words we'll never hear offscreen replaced by very repetitive haze; ‘that was a yellow’, ‘he got away with it’, ‘good goal’ - just don't provoke the geese. Mystifyingly this even applies to those not that controversial in the first place, but that rare breed on their channels of being quite good, Mark Bolton, front to their Spanish coverage, jacked in, because in his words: “Sky Sports told me I’m ‘Very talented & excellent on screen’ but that I’m ‘Anti-authoritarian’ & that they'd decided to not renew my contract”. Bring in some wive's favourite to smile and fake tan it instead. Doesn't know his football, who cares, join the gang, it doesn’t matter here. Fill that flannel, suit and air. And. Smile.


    And of course there is Jim White. The whole transfer deadline day is both so tedious and scary that it has bread and circuses screaming from the screen, it certainly feels like feeding time at some zoo or circus itself as he frothed at the mouth once again, and again, at not very much. Seemingly told this is good tv, so keep at it, even though the biggest story of the day is Raul Meireles handing in a transfer request and the hours preceeding it dictated by someone from Sheffield going on loan to someone in the Midlands.


    And because they are now holding ipads, it's made to look all advanced, when in fact the reverse applies as they have the gadgets but look like some gawping, braindead contestants from some David Lynch directed Generation Game. There are no prizes here.


    They apparently showed Jim White arriving into the Sky studios, which is SKY all over. Wannabe Americanism, done on a lower budget, without half the imagination, and I say that hardly a fan of what sport represents in the land of the free (tiered Ronaldo McDonald) burger. The show, the person, is not the story, leave that to the tale itself, but if you've drowned yourself in sewerage to make a fairly mundane day, bar the odd big surprise (say Robinho and Berbatov, and that's two out of the last 6 or 7 years when it became overhyped and overinflated in the first place), your excesses will come back to haunt you as White raises his decibel levels because Harry Redknapp is in his car once more to be interviewed, the most car obsessed Spurs manager since David Pleat was fond of his late night drives.


    And what people used to look forward to; who has actually joined or departed a club, now has the first embarrassed snickers that this is actually becoming a car crash event, SKY last in on the joke. Let’s watch it to see how bad it is. Teletext in a few outdated - please move onto the next page - vidiprints, was more fun, had more suspense.


    Twitter has its issues but with many players now on it, the first port of call for information on deadline day can become their accounts as they are pleased to announce their move and excitement at joining a club for its signing on fee (I mean potential for success of course). So for much of the day SKY was playing catch up with real truths appearing, or bogus wind-ups, on the medium of the twits. Their claims of: “We can announce first” was no such thing, it was out there long before White stared wide eyed at the lens like some anchor version of Bez. And if you're still wondering exactly what that BIG United news story they promised earlier in the morning was. You'll probably have to wait some time to hear from them for it was just empty air. Never for SKY to apologise, just cover it up instead. It works across the company, you should all try it.


    If some fucking octopus predicting results can gain airtime because they can't show the goals from a World Cup and there's fuck all else on as the terrestrial channels at last have live games to show, they actually walk a very thin turbulent line at how badly the whole empire could crumble if they lost just one solitary bid. They think it’s all over then.


    Anyway… “We are hearing exciting news for Manchester United fans” they told us. My assumption is that dear old fit Hayley (who we like/fancy), working 'on duty' at the time, saw this from an mutv worker on twitter who she knew. “everyone in the #mutv office is buzzing at the moment...got an important announcement to make coming soon…”


    Sky clearly didn't want to miss a scoop so bigged it up. But the lad wasn't on a wind up (official staffers don't do them for fear of a SKY like culling for having a personality), he'd just picked the wrong day to just have some unintentional fun…. “#mutv office really buzzing about going to see the inbetweeners film later tonight... probs wrong day to make an announcement?” Not in my eyes mate, I won't name you for fear of further outing, though his mates saw the funny side, Stewart Gardner even joking with him: “you are a disgrace!”. Sky didn't dare relay that the big announcement was that the Utd staff were going to the cinema, so their world exclusive, got flushed down the invisible bog of ‘forget it ever happened’. You won't hear the stuff that fans are really talking about - Giggsy's dalliances, JT shagging… well, anyone he can - but SSN lite as it should be better known will show you mascot racing and promos that drift perilously close to inhouse advertising/whoring.


    I don't blame poor fit Hayley (if you need to apologise though, I'll accept a personal one, preferably with you dressed in some nice corset), they are just working to script (and rather shite ones they are too), chosen for their good looks rather than good research (not you Hayley, of course, she does know her stuff, is this buttering up working...butter...hmm) it's the organ grinders, and in this case the SKY producers, those behind the scenes power brokers who really must set the agenda, who remain faceless, but whose power must be unquantifiable.


    You can't tell me they weren’t some of the accused when it was ‘suddenly discovered' after years and years that this was the moment when audio of Andy Gray being out of date and out of touch would be ‘outed’ (he presumably didn't develop a Tourettes like attitude to ladies there and then - so why then?), and no doubt I'll be accused of seeing everything through red tinted glasses, but these people decide what will be the main news stories. And mess with them at your peril.


    Amir Kahn, built up through SKY. Decides to go it alone on pay per view. You wouldn't have even known he existed, let alone fought around those dates. Not on our news this time, kid. Learn.


    Someone, somewhere, decided that Wayne Rooney swearing after doing the business, should be the main news story, ahead of his actual goals, repeated time and time again in the immediate aftermath of Upton Park to make you feel as if Rooney had been on the grassy knoll in Texas such was its repetition, disproportionate to the actual ‘crime’ (if any, they put the camera in his face remember, encroaching onto the pitch in the process).


    Champions League draw done (and that in itself is such a sorry long drawn out saga from UEFA that you feel like your life wasting away), and after the talking heads do their bit (ie; ‘Merse’ saying “Arsene needs to buy” for the 675th time that week) on comes - AND GUESS WHAT HE'S IN HOUSE JUST AS SKY LIKE IT, keep it in the family! - the Skybet man joins in: “The cry went out in our office, Fergie's done the Champions League draw again”. Oh good, yet another bit of ABU work for the nation. De Gea plays in 2 wins, granted throws two wobbles but he's young and learning. Let's call him a ‘calamity’ and show 5 awful keepers United have had in the past. Guess what, there's that Carroll ‘goal’, and Taibi. Yet again.


    The loop, the loop. It's shown more than an Only Fools and Horses episode. Ian Bell in the cricket match is run out, no he's not, let's show other great sporting gestures of kindness. Usual suspects, Di Canio (don’t mention the push) at Everton. But let's also show, just the one mind, an UNSPORTING incident. It's Nani scoring from Gomes’ bit of stupidity last season at OT. Are they taking the piss? It's got to be the same producer each time and I'm just the sad sap switching on, on his days on. I have a mate who thinks it's all spite because we fought Murdoch's bid for the club. Even I'm not that bad for conspiracies… yet.


    Do the club fight back? Of course not. We once thought we'd never have home Monday night games, now we've started two seasons with them. Fergie will ban James Cooper for having no neck, for a week, and that’s it. The best Gill could do after ‘what fucking what’? “I don’t think the media helped either, with the constant repetition of footage, with his mouth blurred out.” Go get them David, have you thought about signing up to NATO?!


    To showcase the new United kit, anchor Simon Thomas (he came from Blue Peter, ahh, fluffy friend) was handed a bag with it in. “Harvey Nichols standards have dropped. I'd never wear that”. I know you have to rise above such puerile digs - I do struggle - but you know you just wouldn't get the digs if it were any other side. And this from a man so neutral you can’t see him through the background apart from his teeth.


    Transfer deadline day is a dismal almost subnormal day, certainly showing such ilk outside football grounds highlighting if the kids of today aren't rioting, they are staring at a camera and shouting “We’ve got Peter Crouch” as if it’s a boast, whilst looking like they could audition in any remaking for the locals in Deliverance. It's not a very exciting day for most clubs, Berbatov apart, and if Arteta signing with hours to go is a marquee signing, it's more a Kerry Katona marquee wedding in OK magazine in Skegness than Britney in Hollywood. Nope, we're off to Melwood instead, to hear someone with an ‘earpiece’ say, 'there is absolutely nothing to report at the moment'.


    It's hateful enough to realise you either withhold your money, as many do, or want to watch games so fund this circle of strife, but you don't need all the bumph and waffle, what do you actually learn from watching the continual banal loop of a Sky Sports News day? I'll leave it, for once, to that other footballing philosopher, the remodelled (until next time) Joey Barton who responded to criticism this month on twitter by saying: “the definition of insanity. Is doing the same thing over and over and yet expecting different results.” He's right in terms of Sky and deadline day. It's insane to keep watching it. It doesn't change, and is so out of touch, it won't. So the results will remain, some no-marks outside Stoke cheering that they have signed Darron Gibson next summer. “Gibbo, Gibbo” they’d grunt.


    Switch off, and switch the brain cells on, because there's more behind it all than some Jock getting worked up over a six month loan deal. I'm just amazed that they didn't find time with that last shot of Harry Redknapp in his car to screen Roy Carroll's mistake just one more time, for old time's sake.


    The new season advert for SKY - put together with the images that sell themselves, the goals - has the usual dramatic music to overplay the high brow nature of their coverage (we're talking about Ben Shepherd here people), and ended with “because you can't always be there”. Yep, because you helped us not being there with the sanitising of the game that priced so many good lads out, or because we literally can't because you've moved the game to a shite Monday night kick-off and only given a few weeks notice.


    If the alternative is Colin Murray, what hope have we from any channel? I realise this makes me stand out as an AVOID AT ALL COSTS David Ickey, a raving mentalist, but I do smell calculated, if limited, manipulation at work when I see the Sky logo come up.


    Camus wrote: “I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn't.” I have no interest to keep watching news coverage which isn't actually that, which certainly doesn't interest me and which is such a space filler, next year I filly expect Jim White, the reincarnation of the octopus and John Noakes (fluffy extraordinaire) to be presenting deadline day and it to be filmed in 3D with the odd nipple shot thrown in from some girl running behind them to hand them breaking news sheets.


    The transfer deadline. The day that makes you feel that bit more dead inside with each passing year. So much so that I’d stopped even caring to listen if we were going to sign Wesley whatshisface or not.


    Well, did we?


    by Dictator.
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  • #2
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    New Red News 266 out 20th October 2019 https://rednews.bigcartel.com/produc...6-october-2019
    Subscribe to Red News, print or digital at https://rednews.bigcartel.com/produc...l-subscription
    The Red News App. on itunes at http://bit.ly/RedNewsApp
    RN now on Kindle - all our recent and current issues available on the Kindle at http://www.amazon.co.uk/Barney/e/B009N4YJ0Q
    Become an online RN Supporter - full news on one page and forum access https://forum.rednews.co.uk/settings/subscriptions
    News on one page at https://forum.rednews.co.uk/articles
    Browse our unofficial United shirts + hats + books + fanzine deals http://rednews.bigcartel.com/
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    Red News. Founded 1987. United's first fanzine. twitter @barneyrednews email: [email protected] There's nothing on Earth like being a Red

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